assistedlivingconcerns

Yesterday, (2/19/10). I was the guest of the Kira Reginato radio show on KRSO. The subject related to the experience of moving from one’s home into a care facility for seniors.
Kira is a geriatric care manager who owns and operates Living Ideas For Elders. On Fridays at 12:30 PM she holds court to discuss issues confronting elders and how that impacts on the lives of the senior’s family and friends.
My role was discussed with Kira on why and how I made the move from our home in San Francisco to the nearby Vintage Golden Gate senior care facility. After contemplating the move for years because of a deteriorating, painful knee and the obvious slide in my dear wife’s memory, it took a near tragedy to wake me up to the danger of putting off the necessity of moving to a place where we could get the care and services we were no longer able to provide for ourselves.
One day when my wife and I were at home alone, I fell and couldn’t get up (you know like those TV ads). I called my son who was at work on the cell phone. While waiting for him, I had my wife put a heat pack into the microwave to ease the pain that was killing me. Instead of setting it at 3 minutes, she typed in 33 minutes, resulting in a meltdown of both the heat pack and the microwave, creating a plume of foul smelling smoke. It was at that point I knew we were ready for the move.
Our grand daughter, Greta, knew Kira and recommended her for advice. Kira interviewed us and recommended several facilities she felt would be appropriate for our needs. After visits to all of these places, we chose the Vintage Golden Gate care facility for seniors, probably because we were impressed with the ambience of the facility and the size of the apartment, plus it had several layers of amenities. The apartment was ideal for an independent. In addition there was a section of the facility for residents in need of memory care.
The upside of that combination saw my wife spending her days in the memory area, which gave me the opportunity to pursue my interests with the breathing room the arrangement afforded. We have breakfast and dinner together as well as our evenings and nights, but we are apart during the interim between 10 am and 4 pm.
What to do with the home we loved for so many years? In the end we hired a real estate man to handle the sale. Downsizing is a challenge you can’t win, but you do what’s possible. Aside from a few reference books, I donated the lot to the public library. We designated what was manageable for use in our new quarters, which consisted of a living room, a kitchenette, a bedroom and a modern bathroom. The kids divided among themselves what was left, the remainder was sold at garage sales or taken to the dump. Treasures all!
The move itself went well. The children packed us off to the Cache Creek Casino for a few days accompanied by one our daughters. While we were away, they hired a mover, took care of arranging the furniture, did the decorating and presto, when we came back we walked into a fully organized apartment done to our complete satisfaction.
Once aboard, the task of adjusting to life in a senior facility is a story unto itself, an ongoing saga that deserves a new chapter.

One of the major talking points made by the marketing people at assisted living facilities for seniors are all the wonderful activities that are planned for the resident’s benefit. Every day a schedule of activities is made available for the residents. Only a handful of the residents attend them, but, nevertheless, they all want a copy of the day’s activities. It’s tender to see them read the list even though the majority has no intention of attending any of them.
My favorite program is the Writer’s Club. We have a teacher whom we have christened King Nick. He’s a young man with a background in communications that helps engage us in a very pleasant but serious manner. We are a small group of devotees who really enjoy the class and who respect our mentor. At the start of the class, the King reads off a vocabulary consisting of five words, which we than incorporate into a five-minute writing exercise.
The students ranged in age from the low eighties to the high nineties, but the participation is at a high level irrespective of age. So far, the class has covered speeches, (all kinds), autobiography, debating, public speaking, the art of rhetoric, and opinions of current events, all of which require written homework assignments.
There is a display of good-natured groaning when the homework assignment is handed out. And when our group borders on heated differences of opinions, our leader always interjects with a reminder that we’re all friends here, which never fails to bring a chuckle and to restore civility to the assembled members.
It is claimed that Freud regarded the aged as uneducable. If he were to attend one of our classes today, he would have to eat those words. During the vocabulary session, it’s a joy to hear members of the class bark out the correct meaning of the words, which are often quite rare. Try: numinous, fractious or garrulous for starters. Hail to our mentor, bravados to our classmates and a big phooey to Freud!

Time to Go?
Suzie Klemperer was the grand dame of her family. Long a widow, she meant to spend her last days in her home. The kids were out and about with kids of their own who had kids of their own. Mrs. K was particularly fond of Jake, her oldest child’s son. In a moment of unguarded charity, she has promised to help send him to Harvard. It was a feeling that filled her heart with pride. Reviewing her circumstances, she was pleased to know that her future was secure. Tadd, her husband, had sold his business for a pretty profit enabling him to set up a trust fund that would ensure their retirement.
With happy days ahead, Mrs. K. invited the family for dinner, which turned out to be gala affair, topped off with news that her grandson had been accepted at Harvard. The announcement called for another toast. Mrs. K. got up to get some champagne, made an uncertain maneuver causing her to crash to the floor.
Outside the hospital room, the doctor told the family that Mrs. K. had broken her hip and a replacement has been installed. He noted that the patient would require several weeks of physical therapy. The doctor urged the family to pick an assisted living facility for seniors since she will need care and services during her recovery, which may take a year.
The family decided that Jim, the eldest should shoulder the task, which he agreed to do with obvious reluctance. His mother had never shared her finances with the family and Jim had heard that charges at those facilities cost an arm and a leg. He gingerly approached his mom with the news, recommending that he take over her finances. Jim got advice from his CPA and became her sole conservator. After examining her accounts, it totaled about $500,000.00.
Jim and his sister, Meg, who had come to an assisted living facility, were asked to wait while they located Mrs. Ryan, The receptionist, Nancy, escorted them to a private alcove where she offered to bring them some refreshments, which they declined. A tall, attractive young lady joined them, introducing herself as Kate, the marketing director. Again, the visitors were offered refreshments, which was countered with a no thank you. Kate acknowledged that her visitors had come for tour and information about costs and promptly asked them to follow her.
After the tour, they entered an office and were shown to seats across from the saleslady. Both Jim and Meg noted that the place is elegant, and thanked her for the tour. Kate assured them the pleasure was all hers. Noting that they were looking for a one bedroom apartment, Kate revealed that fortunately there was one available at a charge of $6,300 a month, adding that an additional cost of $800 has to be imposed since the resident will be wheel-chair bound. She explained further that once Mrs. K becomes ambulatory the additional charge will be removed.
Jim and Meg were caught off guard for not having apprised themselves of the rates at private places. Both tried not to gasp at the figures, but did. Jim spoke up, explaining that his mother had a fixed income, part of which has been promised to his grandson for college, He noted that $7,100 a month morphed into $85,000.00 per annum, barely enough to cover 6 years, and if the plan to send her grandson to Harvard occured, she could barely afford 3 years. They explained that her family is not in a position to give help in this matter. Kate, smiling broadly, suggested that they think it over with their mother and perhaps in the meantime another apartment might become available. Embarrassed, the siblings left, wondering how to explain to their mother what was up.
So, the message is to set up an account when you’re in your thirties. If you put aside $100 a week, when you’re in your eighties you can check into an assisted living facility for seniors where they will take care of you. It’s a great feeling to be independet. Or, you can continue to live in the now and hope for the best.